Social Awareness
Friday, February 7, 2025
I don't really feel You, God. But I know You're there. I know we're all emotionally disabled and impulse tolerant. I know I shouldn't worry or be heavy-hearted.
Yet I'm still in the dark, and I cannot see, hear, smell, taste, or touch. But, whether I am blind and whether there is any light or not, my invisibility no longer bothers me. My ineptitude toward those around me is unimportant. It's no longer a thorn at my side or a pebble in my shoe. It's simply something that is. It exists as though I could mold it like clay in my hands. In the past, I would've told you it was imperceptible, like a veil others could pass through, and I could not. Now things have changed, though for better or worse I cannot tell. I certainly feel different, so perhaps that says enough.
If I could chalk up my perception of you, I would say, "I could pick you out among the crowd, but I don't know you. So, I'm afraid you must not be important to me." I dislike this reality, but I know it's one I must live with. I see the beauty and complexity in people as though it lay just beneath their skin like a kindling fire, but it seems no one wishes to share in their warmth. I shouldn't fault them for that.
Is that all we are to one another, just some inauspicious transaction? I pray I never find out. Though, I'm worried I've been holding out to uncover some kind of "spectacular verity" in people, but I cannot decide if I've fallen short with that idea, or I expect too much.
I feel like I'm asleep, and only a bout of freezing water can awaken me. I need that jolt of shock and that moment of fear. Only then can I come to my senses. Slowly, I know I'm beginning to accept what my life will be like. It's what I make of it; whether alone or in company, I've come to recognize it matters little. The company of other people is a whisper, not a shout. Deep down, I know that statement should be contrary to me, but it's the truth no matter how hard I've tried to change it. Lord knows I've tried.
So, perhaps I could not pick you out among the crowd, and I do know you. What a shame.
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