A Watchful Eye

Resignation

Thursday, September 3, 2026

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My heart searches for pieces of conviction as a mongrel dog sniffs out scraps of meat. Like some lost pup, I whimper and moan for attention and care.

Oh, woe is me, I whine!

I am afraid the most desirable parts of me have been wasted on those who cared nothing for them. What remains is a watchful eye aimed only at the ground. Faith may stir some confidence in me yet, and God might rouse my tired heart, but my eyes still deprive me of any conviction.

Let it be known that I was once a man of hunger and ache, but now I am nothing and no one. Want, desire, passion, and pleasure ... these things should not concern me. Though I am now bereft of my dream for good company, I have found resignation to be my only alternative.

I pray for peace and a quiet life, but I still see everyone for what they can give me. What is it about being surrounded by you which reminds me of the things I do not have? I wish I could say I love you so much that lust isn't even a thought in my mind when I'm with you, but your beauty and charm are too persuasive over me.

Most of all, I think I miss your attention because your eyes never lied. I know it to be a great shame that our eyes never meet anymore. But above all, sex is the most deceptive allure to the heart, and the most impairing to judgment. I know this, but I still crave your attention.

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Now it is time to muzzle my grievances. It has been for a while, but I ignored time's demands. I wanted to stay an eternal child, free of lack, and principle, and obligation, but masculinity, adulthood, or whatever shallow portrayal of a man's life you own has finally caught up with me. Until I find the resolve needed to be able to let go of my passion for you, will I become someone worth any time or partnership.

Though I still possess a hunger which will never be satisfied and a thirst which cannot be quenched, I do not need your notice or validation; the world is bigger than my ego. Life has more to offer than Orgasm or its more potent spouse, Approval. After all, you want to be loved but only loved perfectly. And that, I know I cannot live up to.